Bright Futures > A Woman's Guide to Emotional Wellness
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Introduction
Appreciating Yourself
Finding Balance and Purpose
Connecting With Others
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A Woman's Guide to Emotional
Wellness [PDF
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You might have
heard or read something recently about emotional wellness.
Emotional wellness means you feel good about yourself, your
relationships, and your purpose in life. It does not mean
that you will never be sad, angry, or confused. Everyone
will have some of these feelings from time to time. However,
if you are emotionally well, you will have fewer lows and
will be able to bounce back from sad times faster. Emotional
wellness also helps you to be happier during the good times.
This guide will give you
some of the best tips around to help you live better, become
more balanced, and feel better about your life. Feeling good
helps you do better at all your activities each day. Each
woman is unique. We hope that every woman will be able to
use some of this information to improve her emotional
health.
The guide has three
sections. Each one is important for emotional wellness.
These are:
This guide contains many
tips. Not all of them may apply to your life right now.
However, finding even one tip that will help you feel better
and improve your life is worthwhile. You might also find
tips in this guide that could help your friends or family
members.
Remember, it will take time
and work to improve your emotional wellness just like any
other goal. You will have both triumphs and setbacks along
the way. However, if you are patient with yourself and keep
working at it, you will see improvements over time.
Happy reading!
Bright
Futures — A Woman's Guide to Emotional Wellness, is brought
to you by the Health Resources and Services Administration
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. |
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An important part of emotional
wellness is to value who you are and what you do. Women
often have many roles and responsibilities in their
lives. They can be a mother, a daughter, a friend, a
leader, a co-worker, a wife, a partner, a volunteer, a
bill payer, a homemaker, and so on – all at the same
time. These many roles and tasks can make women feel
overwhelmed.
That's why it is especially important
for women to take time to value themselves and all the
things they do. Taking a little bit of time every day to
do that can help you to do a better job at all of your
tasks. It also makes you feel good about yourself!
There are many different ways you
could value yourself. This guide outlines some of the
most important ones and gives you tips on how to do it:
Build your
self-respect
Build your
self-confidence
Build your
self-esteem
Set your
own goals and self-expectations
Take care
of your body
Think
positively
Make
time for activities you enjoy and that have meaning
for you
Learn
skills that help you cope with difficult emotions
and situations
Activities to help you appreciate yourself
Build your self-respect
Self-respect is an important part of
emotional wellness. Every woman wants to be respected.
Have you ever thought about whether you are respecting
yourself? This means taking care of yourself in four
different ways:
-
Physically:
Being active, eating healthy foods, getting enough
sleep, and practicing good hygiene.
-
Mentally:
Challenging your mind, including learning about
yourself and your family history.
-
Spiritually:
Taking time to explore your beliefs about the
meaning and purpose of life. Taking time to think
about how you want to guide your life by the
principles that are important to you.
-
Emotionally:
Thinking good thoughts about yourself and others.
Every woman can appreciate herself
more. The tips in this guide can help you enhance your
self-respect.
 Debbie's
story: "I'm a mom who works part time and I
have two little kids. Last year, there were so many
demands on me I hardly ever took any time for
myself. I was exhausted, and I didn't feel as good
about myself as I used to. My best friend encouraged
me to make some time for myself every day. At first,
I thought 'No way!' but I decided to try it. I
started by taking a short walk several days a week
and trying to go to bed 15 minutes earlier. After I
got in the habit of doing that, I started to use the
time when I was driving to pick my son up from
preschool to think about all the good things I do
every day. These small steps have really helped. I
still work hard, but I have more energy and feel
better. Now I encourage my other friends to do it,
too!"
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Build your self-confidence
Feeling self-confident helps you
believe that you can try new things. Even if things go
wrong, self-confidence helps you know that you can try
to make them better. You can increase your
self-confidence by setting goals that make sense,
thinking positively, and being prepared.
Here are some tips to increase your
self-confidence:
-
Stop comparing:
Your abilities and talents are unique and
special. Everyone has different goals in life
and ways of thinking about what success means.
Decide what success means for you. Try not to
worry about what success means for your
neighbor.
-
Remember your good
deeds: Think
about the times when you have made a difference
in someone else's life. Give yourself credit for
the good things you do for others every day.
-
Forgive yourself and
learn from your mistakes:
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Learn
from what went wrong, but don't dwell on it.
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Build your self-esteem
Self-esteem is important to your
emotional health. A woman with healthy self-esteem knows
what makes her unique. She respects those things in her
personality. Self-esteem helps you to feel good about
yourself, no matter what other people think of you.
Tips to help you boost your
self-esteem:
-
Accept your
strengths, and your weaknesses:
No one is perfect. Your strengths and weaknesses
are what make you unique.
-
Congratulate
yourself: Honor
your achievements, big and small.
-
Encourage yourself
and others: Think
positive, kind, and loving things about
yourself. Let others know the good things you
feel about them.
-
Value yourself:
Friends and family are great, but don't depend
on others to make you feel good about yourself.
Value yourself no matter what other people say
about you.
-
Surround yourself
with positive, healthy people:
Choose friends who value you.
-
Turn anger around:
Everyone will be angry from time to time. When
you get upset, try to use that energy toward
positive goals instead of dwelling on the
negative.
-
Praise yourself:
Remember at least one good thing about yourself
every day.
-
Do good things:
Do at least one thing every day that you feel
good about.
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Set your own goals and
self-expectations
Many women let others tell them what
they should be doing and how. To be emotionally well,
you need to judge yourself by your own standards and no
one else's.
Tamika's story:
"I'm from a big family, and I grew up always
comparing
 myself
with everyone else. I was constantly disappointed
because whenever I would get a raise at work, one of
my sisters would, too, or whenever I would learn a
new activity, someone else would beat me to it. But
eventually, I started thinking about my life and
realized that I was achieving all the things I
wanted to do. It didn't matter what everyone else in
my family was doing: I was leading my own life and
was happy about it. Now, I try not to compare myself
with other people anymore, and I remind myself to
feel happy for my siblings when something good
happens to them."
These tips may help you set your own
expectations:
-
Define beauty for
yourself: Images
of thin, glamorous women are everywhere.
However, most women do not look that way. True
beauty comes from inside and shines outward.
Focus on the things about yourself that you
think are beautiful.
-
Define your own
values: Many
women believe they need to live up to the
expectations of our culture. However, the only
values you need to live up to are your own. Take
a look at your beliefs and values. Remember how
you add value to the world.
-
Focus on your
strengths: We all
have strengths and weaknesses, but many of us
focus more on our weaknesses. Try this trick to
change your way of thinking: Each time you think
about one of your weaknesses, follow that with a
thought about one of your strengths.
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Take care of your body
If you exercise, eat right, and get
enough sleep, it will help your physical health. It will
help your emotional health as well. You can improve your
mood with physical activity, healthy eating, and getting
enough sleep. Enough sleep will also improve your memory
and help keep you healthy. Most women need about 8 hours
of sleep a night.
You can learn more about physical
activity and healthy eating in "My Bright Future:
Physical Activity and Healthy Eating Tools for Adult
Women." You can download a free copy at
www.hrsa.gov/womenshealth.
You don't have to make a lot of big
changes to exercise more, eat better, or get more sleep.
In fact, you will do better if you try to reach your
goals in small steps.
Here are some tips to get you
started:
-
Healthy eating
habits: Decide on
just one thing you would like to do to eat
healthier. Keep doing it until it becomes a
habit. Then try to form another good eating
habit. (If you aren't sure what healthy eating
means, here is one definition: Healthy eating
means consuming a variety of nutrient-dense
foods and beverages within and among the basic
food groups, while choosing foods that limit
your intake of saturated and trans fats,
cholesterol, added sugars, salt, and alcohol.)
-
Physical activity:
Add a few minutes of walking or some other form
of exercise to your day. Keep doing it until you
have reached your goal. (One goal is to aim for
at least 30 minutes of walking or other moderate
physical activity on most days of the week.)
-
Set an earlier
bedtime: Make
your bedtime 10 minutes earlier. Keep doing it
until you've reached your goal.
-
Develop good sleep
habits: Write
down your sleep habits for a week and look for
ways to improve them. Once you've found the
right bedtime, try to go to bed at about the
same time every night. Try not to eat, drink
alcohol or caffeinated beverages, or exercise
right before bed.
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Think positively
An important part of emotional
wellness is training yourself to be more positive or
optimistic. While this may not be easy, positive
thinking during tough times will help you stay hopeful.
It can improve your chances of moving past your
problems. It also has been linked to better health. Some
people are more optimistic than others, but everyone can
learn how to be more positive.
Here are some tips:
-
Seek the positive:
When things go wrong, look for something
positive. For example, if your friend cancels
your dinner plans, look at it as a chance to do
something for yourself. You could choose to read
a book or call another friend instead.
-
Focus on the good
things: Even when
something has upset you in one part of your
life, you can still focus on the things you
value in other areas. This helps you to keep
perspective and to cope.
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Make time for activities you enjoy
and that have meaning for you
One way to improve your overall
wellness is to get involved in activities you enjoy and
that mean a lot to you. You can get happiness from
simple pleasures and from being active and involved.
Here are some tips to help you make
time for these activities:
-
Schedule them:
Treat activities with your friends the way you
would your work or other appointments.
-
Find activities that
have meaning to you:
Spend your time on issues or activities that you
really care about. You will be more committed to
them and enjoy them more!
-
Do things with your
friends: Make
activities you care about an important part of
what you do with your friends or family.
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Learn skills that help you cope with
difficult emotions and situations
Coping is the way we handle difficult
situations, people, and problems. It is how we survive
stress or conflict. Every woman has her own coping
style.
In general, there are three main ways
that people tend to cope with stress:
-
Task-oriented coping:
In this coping style, people will take a close look
at the situation and take action to deal directly
with the issues.
-
Emotion-oriented coping:
In this style, people feel emotions, express
feelings, and tend to ask for help if they need it.
-
Distraction-oriented
coping: Here people
keep themselves busy – distract themselves – in
order to take their minds off their problems.
Once you understand which of these
styles you tend to use, you can try other coping styles
that may help you handle difficult situations. Here are
some additional tips:
-
Write it down:
Writing down your feelings is a good way to deal
with your emotions.
-
Take care of yourself:
Get plenty of rest. Eat healthy foods and be
physically active. Stick to your normal routines,
and stay away from risky behavior.
-
Stay connected to others
and share how you are doing:
Seek out trusted family members and friends who can
offer support, even over the phone or through
e-mail.
-
Ask for help:
If you feel overwhelmed, ask friends, a social
worker, a faith-based organization, or your doctor
to find professional help. Strong people know when
to seek help. Everyone needs help from time to time.
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Activities to help you appreciate
yourself
Here are some short exercises you can
try to help you learn to appreciate yourself. You can do
them by yourself, or with friends and family members.
Name two things you are good at:
Name two things about you that you think
are beautiful (inside and out):
Think about what makes you feel good and
why you feel good.
Now think about what makes you feel
stressed and why you feel stressed.
Take a few moments and think about how to
increase what makes you feel good and decrease what
brings you stress.
What is something that you have always
wanted to try? What are some small steps you can take to
make it happen?
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An important part of being emotionally
well is finding a sense of balance, meaning, and purpose
in life. This balance and purpose will be different for
each woman. However, for most women it may involve some
of the same steps:
This section gives you advice and tips
on how to do each of these things. Keep in mind that
finding a sense of balance and purpose in your life is a
journey. It might mean different things to you at
different times in your life, but thinking about these
issues will help you to be more emotionally well.
 Li's
story: "There have always been so many
things I wanted to do in life, but I had a hard time
deciding what to work on first. I would spend a
little time on this, a little on that, but I wasn't
accomplishing any of my goals. One of my co-workers
suggested that I take the time to write down all my
goals and then decide which ones were most important
and work on those a little bit at a time. I had a
hard time choosing where to start, but when I did,
it really helped. I'm not doing as many things as I
used to, but I'm really making progress on what I am
doing. And I feel a lot less stressed out about my
life."
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Self-discovery
Self-discovery helps us take a look at
our values and dreams so we can be sure we are working
toward the right goals. One way to do this is through
writing. Writing not only helps self-discovery, but it
also can be good for your health. Don't worry about
complete sentences or grammar. Just let your thoughts
flow from your mind, through your pen, and onto the
paper. If you have a creative style, add drawings and
use colorful pens!
Here are some ideas to get you
started:
-
I am happiest when…
-
I am proud of myself
because…
-
I was born to…
-
I can simplify my life by
living without…
-
In my dreams, I…
-
I believe in my abilities
to do great things because…
-
I feel strongest when…
-
I'm proud of my family or
community because…
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Developing a personal mission
statement
Do you ask yourself, "Why am I here?
Who am I? What is my purpose in life?" These are good
questions to ask. The meaning and purpose of life is
unique for every woman.
A personal mission statement describes
how you want to live your life. One way to develop such
a statement is to imagine your 80th birthday. Think
about what all your friends and family would say about
you. Write your own life mission statement, and update
it as your life goals change.
Here are two examples of a mission
statement:
-
Each day of my life, I will
work to understand myself better. I will take
time to smell the roses, enjoy simple pleasures,
care for my body, nourish my mind, undertake
challenges that come my way, and be proud of
those things that make me unique.
-
My purpose is to express my
love for life by appreciating the small things,
loving my family, and prioritizing my work. I
will welcome each day with a smile.
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Setting goals
By setting and meeting realistic
goals, your life will have more meaning and purpose. You
will have a better understanding of how to move forward.
If you have several goals, list them in order of
importance. That helps keep you from feeling
overwhelmed. It also helps you keep your attention on
your most important goals.
Remember, setting goals is a lifelong
process. Once you have completed one goal, you can start
on another!
You can use the following steps to set
any personal or professional goal:
-
Write down your goal:
Write your goals in a positive way. For instance,
write, "Learn to do well," not, "Do not make
mistakes."
-
Set a deadline for
achieving the goal:
Make your goals precise. Include dates, times, and
amounts so that you can see how well you are doing.
-
Know your obstacles:
List the obstacles you need to overcome in order to
accomplish your goal.
-
Identify who can help:
Write down the names of people and groups you need
to work with to reach your goal.
-
Identify what you need to
know: List the
skills, knowledge, and experience required to reach
your goal.
-
Create an action plan:
Develop a plan for learning the skills you need to
reach your goal.
-
Know the reason:
Write down the benefits of achieving your goal.
Setting goals is important, but make
sure your goals are realistic. For instance, if your
goal is to get more sleep, don't try to go to bed an
hour earlier right away. Instead, set smaller goals of
going to bed 5 or 10 minutes earlier each night. In
other words, take small steps and keep on taking them
every day. Celebrating your small goals along the way
will keep you on the road to achieving your larger
goals!
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Adapting to adversity and change
Resilient people know how to bounce
back from hardships and find ways to grow from bad
situations. They do well with change, and they gain
strength from misfortune. The good news is that being
able to adapt and change can be learned by focusing on
three things:
-
Outside supports:
These include people you trust and resources that
make a person feel safe and free to grow. Know who
you trust, and turn to those people in difficult
times.
-
Inner strengths:
Another way to help yourself adapt to change is to
find the strong points of your personality and use
them. Know your best personality traits such as a
positive outlook, kindness, or confidence. Draw on
those traits for strength when you need it.
-
Learned skills:
You can develop skills to make yourself more
adaptable or flexible. Know what skills you need in
challenging times and work to develop them when
things are going well for you. For example, if you
don't think you communicate well, ask a friend to
help you better express your feelings.
 Christen's
story: "When I am feeling overwhelmed and
know that I need to give myself a break, I turn off
my phone. I try to slow down a little bit by going
for a long walk or taking a bike ride to clear my
head and look at nature. Sometimes, I like to put on
my sweats and slippers and curl up with a good book,
or write, draw, or play my guitar – anything to feed
other parts of myself so that I feel re-energized.
At times like these, I draw on my beliefs for
comfort and strength."
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Learning skills that help you deal
positively with stress
Every woman deals with stress. Some
stresses are smaller (like trying to find a parking
space when you are in a hurry), and some are larger
(like dealing with a divorce). No matter the size,
knowing how to deal with stress is an important part of
being emotionally well.
Here are some tips for dealing with
stress:
-
Know how you react:
Think about how you respond in times of stress
or change. Do you like the way you respond? How
can you change it?
-
Seek guidance:
Ask others – such as friends, faith-based
advisers, counselors, or family members – how
they respond to stress. Try what seems to work
well for them.
-
Make a plan:
Think about how you want to respond to stress.
Write down the names of people you would seek
out for help.
-
Be ready to change:
Think about how open-minded and flexible you are
when it is time for a change. Think about how
you can accept change in times of stress.
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Increasing your confidence
Confidence is your belief in your
ability to reach your goals. Women who are emotionally
well have a strong belief that they are able to succeed.
Here are three ways you can feel more
confident:
-
Doing what you do
best: The best
way to begin feeling more confident is to focus
on the things you already do well. If you don't
know what things you do well, ask your friends
and family. Then focus more of your time on
those things, and congratulate yourself for your
successes. This will give you more confidence.
-
Seeing others do it:
Seeing someone like yourself succeed will help
you believe that you can do it, too. If there is
something you have always wanted to do but you
are not sure you can do it, then find another
woman who is doing it. Ask her if you can watch.
Then, see if she will help you get started!
-
Use your emotions:
If you have a hard time starting something, use
your emotions to help you take action. It's OK
to be excited, nervous, or afraid about
something new. Accept those feelings and use
them to help you get going.
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Nurturing your spirit
 It
is easy to know when we feel physically tired, but it
takes time to know when we feel emotionally tired.
Caring for your spirit is taking a conscious break to
renew the soul. It means taking time to tune out the
world and to reconnect with yourself. Women who take
time to nurture their spirits tend to be more
emotionally healthy.
Here are some ideas on how to slow
down, turn your focus inward, and recharge:
-
Sip a cup of hot tea or hot
chocolate, or drink a glass of cold lemonade.
-
Take a long shower or bath.
Pamper yourself.
-
Write down your thoughts, or
express yourself through art or music.
-
Meditate or pray.
-
Sit quietly and feel yourself
breathe.
-
Take a break to read a book or
magazine.
-
Take a walk and look at nature.
Focus on enjoying the simple beauty of the world
around you. Think about what it means to achieve
personal peace.
-
Use a calendar to organize your
time, and write in some time for yourself.
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Activities to help you find balance
and purpose
Here are some short exercises you can
do to help you find balance and purpose in your life.
You can do them by yourself, or with friends and family
members.
What is your personal mission
statement?
How do you manage stress, and
how could you do it better?
How could you make more time
for yourself?
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Write down and plan
for one of your personal goals: |
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What is
your goal?
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When do you
want to achieve your goal?
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What are
your obstacles?
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Who can
help?
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List the
skills and knowledge you need to reach your
goal.
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Make an
action plan.
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List the
benefits of the goal.
|
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Women can find many
different ways to connect. You can connect
to others through your neighborhood, your
ethnic group, a club you belong to, or your
group of friends. Connections are an
important part of emotional wellness.
Connections with others
can help you have a sense of belonging.
Other people can help you find meaning in
life and feel valued. They can benefit your
health. Being connected to others can help
you fight depression and give you a better
quality of life.
This section of the guide
will give you tips on how to form
connections and develop and maintain healthy
relationships:
Find a connection
As humans, and especially
as women, we have a deep need to feel
connected. Think about your many
relationships: family, friends, co-workers,
neighbors, and people you see every day. No
matter how close or casual, those
connections are all important. Our
connections to others shape our thoughts and
feelings. Every woman needs connections.
Here are some things you
can do to feel more connected:
-
Volunteer in your
neighborhood or community. Check
with your local government or local
community organizations for
opportunities.
-
Pick up a local
newspaper and attend an advertised
community event with a friend.
-
Attend events or
take classes at a local community or
senior center.
-
Sign up for an
exercise class.
-
Attend a PTA
meeting.
-
Spend more time
with your friends. Make an effort to
call and write them more often.
-
Accept offers of
assistance. Offer to trade favors,
such as babysitting or cooking, with
others.
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Identify with your
racial, ethnic, or cultural background, and
learn about other cultures
Some people may draw
strength from their racial, ethnic, or
cultural communities. Our racial, ethnic,
and cultural histories tell the stories of
where we came from. Taking pride in your
heritage is a good way to connect with
others. Along with learning about your own
background, a great way to make connections
is to learn about the backgrounds of those
around you.
Here are some ways to
learn more about your history, or that
of those around you:
-
Interview a
family member or friend.
-
Go to a cultural
event in your community.
-
Research issues
related to race, ethnicity, or
culture on the Internet or at the
library. You could try to find out
more about your last name or family
history, or that of a friend or
neighbor.
-
Coordinate an
ethnic potluck at your workplace.
-
Read a book or
visit a Web site about your culture,
or that of a friend or neighbor.
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Connect with children
Children are an important
part of the lives of many women. They could
be your own children or grandchildren. They
could be those of a friend or family member,
or children you see in your community.
Staying involved in the lives of children
can help you build a strong emotional life.
Here are some ways to
help you stay connected to the children
in your life:
-
When talking to
children, get to their level. Make
eye contact to show them that they
are important to you.
-
Ask kids about
their schoolwork, their friends,
their dreams, and their feelings in
general. Share your thoughts and
feelings with them, too.
-
Write a note to
the children in your life to let
them know you care about them and
will be there for them.
-
When you have to
be away from your own children, make
certain you stay connected. Call
them regularly when you are away
from home, or leave a note of love
in a spot where they will find it.
Staying connected is not only good
for them, it is good for you, too!
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Learn about healthy
relationships
Having connections and a
social support system is one of the best
ways to improve your emotional health. It
makes you feel good just to be able to talk
to friends and family members. The best
connections are part of healthy
relationships. Here are a few ingredients
for a healthy relationship:
-
Respect:
Value yourself and the other person in
the relationship.
-
Mutuality:
Healthy relationships go both ways. Both
people give to each other and receive
from each other.
-
Communication:
Be able to talk with, and listen to,
other people. Share information so
others can get the chance to know you.
Ask questions so you can get the chance
to know others.
-
Honesty:
Honesty is a sign of respect in healthy
relationships.
-
Trust:
In healthy relationships, people earn
your trust.
-
Flexibility:
People and situations change. Being
flexible keeps relationships strong.
-
Dependability:
Follow through on the things you say you
will do. Be a dependable friend.
Additional qualities of
healthy relationships are discussed next.
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Learn about empathy and
its importance in relationships
Empathy is being able to
understand what another person is feeling.
It means to " put yourself in someone else's
shoes." It is a key part of a strong
relationship. Empathy makes people feel
listened to and understood. Seek friends who
are empathetic, and learn how to be
empathetic.
Here are two steps you can
take to show empathy: 1) give a brief reply
that captures the situation; 2) add an
emotion.
Suppose a friend tells you
how she had to stay late at work and missed
an important event. You can say, "When you
could not leave work on time, you must have
felt frustrated." This shows that you are
really listening and trying to understand
how your friend is feeling.
 Maria's
story: "Recently, I got into
genealogy. It's fun to learn about all
the women in my family and their
histories. It makes me feel really
connected with my heritage. I tried to
get my best friend into it, but her
parents are divorced and she's not close
with her father's side of the family.
She admitted that the thought of
exploring her family tree both excited
and saddened her. I hadn't even thought
about how hard that might be for her.
So, I suggested we just trace her
mother's side of the family as a start
and see what kinds of interesting things
we could discover. We had a great time,
and I could tell she really appreciated
my sensitivity."
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Learn how to be more
mindful of other people and their situations
Being mindful means having
your mind present in a situation. That means
thinking about what is going on and being
aware of your feelings in the moment. A
mindful person thinks about and cares about
other people's feelings while also being
aware of her own feelings.
Here are some ways to be
mindful:
-
Be
present:
Be aware of your own thoughts and
feelings.
-
Show
respect:
Listen to your friends, and really
consider their thoughts and
feelings.
-
Be
considerate:
Think about the needs of others and
help them when you can, even before
they ask for help.
-
Rejoice
together:
Be glad for your friends when good
things happen for them, even if your
own life is not going well. Wish
others the best life has to offer.
-
Be aware:
Think about how your actions and
reactions affect the people around
you.
-
Honor
yourself:
Make sure that your actions are
consistent with your own beliefs and
values.
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Develop patience
Patience is accepting the
things you cannot change. It means being
peaceful, content, satisfied, and willing to
enjoy the moment. When you are patient, you
can wait without feeling anxious or
frustrated. You will be more caring,
understanding, and accepting of others.
Patience is an important part of healthy
relationships. Patience does take practice,
especially in a fast-paced world.
Here are some tips to
help you be more patient:
-
Think of a
difficulty or a long wait as a
chance to practice your patience.
-
Accept that other
people's mistakes will sometimes
affect you, just as your mistakes
may affect other people. Be willing
to wait for others, just as you
would want them to wait for you.
-
Accept and
forgive yourself when you become
impatient. Make up your mind to work
on it for next time.
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Be safe in relationships
Relationships that are
healthy and safe are built on mutual honesty
and respect. That means each person listens
to the other's thoughts and opinions without
making a judgment or finding fault. In this
kind of relationship, it is OK to disagree
and argue sometimes. However, both people
ought to be able to talk about the issues
and find a compromise, even if you agree to
disagree.
Think about one of your
relationships. Then, read these questions.
Check yes or no based on your situation. The
more times you check yes, the healthier your
relationship.
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel good
about yourself when you are around
that person? (The person should not
make you feel worried, sad, mad, or
scared.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Is your relationship
balanced? Is there an equal amount
of give and take? (You should not
find yourself giving more attention
to the other person than he or she
gives to you.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel safe
around the other person? (The person
should not make you feel scared,
unsafe, or pressured.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Do you feel that you
can trust the other person? (You
should be able to depend on the
other person.) |
|
____Yes |
____No |
Does the other person
support you when you make a mistake?
(The other person should not find
fault with you all the time, or call
you names.) |
If you think you might be
in relationship that is not healthy for you,
let someone know. With help, you can get out
of it or make it better. If you think you
may be in a relationship at home that is not
safe, call the National Domestic Violence
Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
(7233) or
1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
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Give help to others in
need
Staying connected also
means offering help to others. If your
friend is in need, offer to find help for
her. Listen with sincere interest, and try
not to judge. You can find information on
how to help friends in need from many
places:
 Audrey's
story: "I'm really busy helping
my kids and my grandkids, and over the
years I realized I didn't have as many
friends of my own as I used to. I missed
having other women to talk with. So I
started taking a class at our local
senior's center. At first, it was really
hard to make new friends. I'm 62 and
have lived on my own a long time, so I'm
pretty set in my ways. But then I
realized I needed to spend time
listening to the women I met, asking
them questions, and being open with them
so they could get to know me. Now I have
several new friends, and we love to get
together after class and chat over a cup
of coffee."
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Activities to help you
connect with others
Here are some short
exercises you can do to help you connect
with others. You can do these activities by
yourself, or with friends and family
members.
List some parts of
your racial, ethnic, or cultural background
that shape you in positive ways:
What are some
needs in your community? How could you get
more involved to help?
How patient are
you? Rate your patience level on a scale of
1 to 10. 1 means you have no patience at all
and 10 means you have lots of patience:
______
How do you feel
when you are impatient? What would help you
be more patient?
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Printed with
Permission by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services |
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